


The One With The Boyfriend Cleanse

by curlyy_hair_dont_care



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eventual Relationships, Firemen, Fluff, Kinda based on that episode from FRIENDS, M/M, Mention of alcohol, Mention of bad dates, Remus Lily and Alice are roommates, Roommates, Sirius James and Frank are firemen, Valentine's Day, terrible exes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29348835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlyy_hair_dont_care/pseuds/curlyy_hair_dont_care
Summary: Dateless on Valentine's day, Remus, Lily and Alice felt they were being haunted by the bad vibes of terrible exes and decided to perform a 'boyfriend cleanse' which might have gone wrong before it set things right.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	The One With The Boyfriend Cleanse

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to the lovely [crazybutgood!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazybutgood/pseuds/crazybutgood) for the beta help! You're a star!

“I hate Valentine’s, I hate happy couples and I hate men!” Lily said exasperatedly as she plonked herself on the ugly but comfortable purple sofa.

Remus raised an elegant eyebrow at her outburst, while Alice continued to lounge upside down on the armchair.

“Well not you Rem, you’re a literal angel,” Lily says matter of factly.

“Wanna tell us what happened?” Alice asked.

“Sev!” she said and they all shuddered.

“He asked me out  _ again  _ and when I declined, he started ranting about how I’ve changed and am hanging out with the wrong sort and what not!”

Severus was Lily’s friend from college. He harboured romantic feelings for the redhead which Lily unfortunately didn't reciprocate, leading to a fall out between them. But that hadn’t deterred the man from trying.

“Ugh, he’s the worst. The man simply cannot take a hint! Plus for such a germaphobe he has surprisingly bad hygiene,” Alice shuddered.

Remus sighed dramatically. “That is why I have decided to stay blissfully single.” 

“I just want to find a nice guy, maybe get married, have a couple of kids,” Alice mused.

“Ugh, this is so depressing. I’m gonna make hot chocolate, want some?” Remus asked.

“Screw hot chocolate, lets have margaritas!” Lily announced. And that was how the three roommates and best friends got rather tipsy on Valentine’s day. 

* * *

As they were finishing their third pitcher, Alice had the idea of performing a  _ boyfriend cleanse _ . She felt they were being haunted by the bad vibes of terrible exes. While Remus and Lily initially scoffed at her, the alcohol and Alice’s persuasiveness had them on board in no time. They each decided to burn any momentos or gifts from past lovers they’d like to forget and ran to their rooms to get their stuff.

Fifteen minutes later they all reconvened in the living room with their momentos. Alice brought out an old steel bucket she used to store some of her art supplies and a candle. She placed the bucket on their coffee table and lit the candle.

“Okay, let us begin the boyfriend cleanse,” she said in a deep voice. “What? I’m trying to set the mood,'' she defended, when the other’s burst out laughing.

Lily decided to go first. She held a picture of herself and Anthony, taken at a funfair. They were eating candy floss and smiling widely at the camera. Unfortunately, he turned out to be a cheater.  _ Oh well, good riddance _ , she thought as she held the edge of the photograph to the flame and dumped it in the bucket. She was met with cheers from the other two.

Remus went next and dumped a Holiday card from a bitter ex. Benjy and Remus had broken up a while back, and while it had seemed amicable at the time, Benjy was petty and sent Remus a holiday card from him and his new beau. The girls cheered and clapped him on the back.

Alice went next and threw in a pair of red boxers.

“Whose are those?” Lily asked.

“I don't remember, but hey, in the spirit of the cleanse…” Alice trailed off, shrugging.

“Oi! I think those were mine!” Remus pouted as the girls laughed sheepishly.

They continued the ritual; Alice threw in a few love letters from her first boyfriend, Edgar; Remus added the receipt from his dinner date with Gilderoy who had taken him to a swanky restaurant and then conveniently forgotten his wallet. 

“And here we have Sev’s stupid hand sanitizer,” Lily crowed as she dumped the liquid into the bucket before the other two could stop her.

A burst of flames shot up from it as they all screamed and moved away from the table. Remus ran to get his cell phone and call the fire department.

* * *

The firemen were at their apartment within 15 minutes and had the bonfire under control.

“What do we have here?” asked the grey eyed fireman.

“Greeting cards, half-charred pictures... red boxers?” smirked the bespectacled man who Lily couldn’t stop ogling.

“You know, we can explain, it's a really funny story,” Remus tried.

“It's all right. You don't have to explain. This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire that we've seen get out of control.” The fireman who’d introduced himself as Frank said kindly.

“Really?” Alice said and smiled coyly. “I’m Alice by the way, and these are my friends, Remus and Lily.” 

“Oh, sure, Valentine's is our busiest night of the year,” Frank said good naturedly.

“You're our third call tonight. I’m Sirius,” his colleague added.

“Oh, we don’t doubt you,” Lily said sincerely.

The three men burst into laughter. “No, that's his name. And I’m James. You already know Frankie, here,” the bespectacled man said as he locked eyes with Lily.

“Well, thank you so much for your help,” Alice purred as she looked at Frank, “Can we offer you something to drink, for the trouble?”

“Ahh, not while we’re on duty,” Frank said conscientiously.

“But we get off work in an hour, maybe we could pick you guys up for drinks?” Sirius asked the group with a charming smile but his eyes were zoned in on Remus.

“Oh he’s smooth,” Lily mumbled to a blushing Remus. 

“Sure thing, meet us here in 90 minutes?” Lily asked after having a quick silent conversation with her roommates.

“It’s a date,” James said, his eyes twinkling with mischief as they left. 

“Aaaah!” they all screamed as soon as the door shut. 

“They're so handsome and they seem like good guys too!” Remus gushed.

“See? The cleanse worked,” Alice crowed and pushed her friends to get ready for their triple date.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a result of 2 things: 1. I wanted to read a fireman AU and 2. I couldn't get that episode of FRIENDS out of my head, so I decided to write this!  
> Hope you enjoyed reading :)  
> Come say hello on Tumblr, I'm [curlyy-hair-dont-care](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/curlyy-hair-dont-care)


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